Before it gets too much further into the new year, I gotta say, 2019 has been an absolute rollercoaster for me in terms of fleshing out my beliefs and whatnot. I felt a call back to spirituality and thought that was Christianity, but the more I looked into it and asked questions the more I doubted. Eventually I realized that there’s no way that those who profess to believe that “all men are created equal” would ever be serious about how negative race mixing and diversity are. I understood my parents more and yet it raised some contempt within me despite my love, and respect for them. I also started wanting children, the hormonal drive has been absolutely ridiculous. I think that this has finally subsided for the most part because of my mindset. Stepping into a pagan community, I realized that I would never truely belong, and thus my children would face the same separation that I have. It would be easier for them to hide it, their blood more diluted, but everyone needs a community, and it’s so hard to find that. But my husband and I are in a small town and settling in now. We have some good friends close by and we help each other out and get that much needed socialization. I used to be so damned gung-ho about helping to secure a future for the white race and wanted to really get politically active, out on the streets. My husband held me back and told me that he just wanted to live our lives in peace. I didn’t understand at that time, until I was rejected by a pagan “priestess”. I don’t know if the gods will ever accept me as I am. I can’t change my DNA. But it doesn’t matter. I will still give worth to them, and strive to be as harmonious with nature as I can. I see now what my husband meant, and now we are on the same page. We still care deeply for our people, but I think we both realize that nature and humans are cyclical. And though we do need people fighting the good fight, neither of us are really cut out for it. I will never be accepted in a place like Orania or a garth as Ash Donaldson writes about in his book “From her Eyes, A Doctrine” (which I absolutely adore! And I hope that we do regress to simpler times). The best thing I can do is be prepared to make the things we need here at home so that we don’t have to rely on stores and the government of things continue their trajectory. We both can see down the road and that has fueled us to learn how to take care of ourselves, and look out for our friends and family. I just hope that we can separate peacefully, and let natural law take back her rightful place.
So on to 2020, and a new decade. I will always keep my eyes open, but my duties are to my family , friends, and immediate community. May we ever be vigilant to the dangers and threats around us, and never give in. I’m giving my government and society at large a big middle finger by learning to be self sufficient, and I think anyone who is serious about making a future for their descendants should be doing this too. I will always be on your side, Europa, I know I have your blood in my veins, but I know it’s not enough, still, my allegiance and my heart will always be with you. I hope I see the day when we can have real peace.
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